Home is not forever

It used to be easier.  The moving crew would come, box up everything we owned, and a few days later we would be gone.  Gone on our way to a new adventure, a new place to explore, a new home to build.  Sure we’d be sad but the excitement of things to come would overshadow the sadness in the same way a new infatuation makes people forget their past heartaches.

This time, however, I am finding it very difficult to let go.  Second day of the pack out and I am still fighting the urge to cry.  This isn’t like me especially considering that our next destination is on my top-ten-places-to-live-in list.

After careful examination of all the reasons that can be making me sad, I finally figure it out. I realize that I am in love.  In complete, total, and, alas, unrequited love with … my view.

And my apartment.

And my building.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I’ve lived in some amazing places over the years.  I’ve lived in historical downtowns of some great cities, I’ve lived among fascinating civilizations, I’ve lived in centers of great culture, and I even once lived across from the zoo where we would wake up to the sound of monkeys playing catch. Yet this was the first time I can say that I lived in a dream.

  • I woke up every day to the sight and sound of the ocean from every window of my apartment.
  •  I never had to wear anything more than a light cotton sweater.
  • My skin, which isn’t prone to tan, became and remained the color of golden bronze.
  • My office faced the water.
  • My terrace was perfect for coffee in the morning, tea in the afternoon, and dinner in the evening – not to mention reading and writing during any time of day.
  • Looking out through our windows always made me feel complete, no matter the weather.

And so as I leave our now empty apartment and as I say good-bye to every room and every angle of my view, I feel extremely grateful and inexplicably sad at the same time.  Grateful because I was fortunate to live with this beauty and sad because this dream home wasn’t forever.

But I also know dreams are never forever. Dreams come, go, and evolve. They grow and change – and we grow and change with them. My years in this dream home were not only full of breathtaking views but they were also filled with an intention to see, smell, feel, and taste the life around me every waking moment of my day. This intention was only a shadow when we moved in and, thanks to my home, it became the way of life.

So I guess in some ways a home can be forever.

5 responses to “Home is not forever

  1. I feel for you, as I too have lived in some lovely apartments which I was sorry to leave. Your current view is stunning. Embrace the sorrow, it means you had a good time living there. In time it will become a warm memory to look back on.

  2. Fantastic view ! I fell in love with some of my apartments in the past, including one in Dubai that also had an amazing view… So I share the feeling… I’m wondering, what is the city you lived in that looks so great from your terrace ? Thispicture is stunning !

  3. I completely relate to this post. I have fond memories of certain places we’ve lived, and enjoy thinking of them and life lived in each. I still find it difficult to think about my last house (before moving to the Netherlands), it was just so perfect in so many ways. I truly blocked it out of my mind for the first couple years we’ve been here, and It’s only been recently that I can reflect back on it without that tug on my heart. I enjoy where I live and appreciate many aspects of my current house, but it is not the previous one. It was special. In the meantime, I just focus on enjoying my life and wondering what homes await me in the future. Good luck with saying a proper goodbye and settling in your new home.

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