Summer is upon us (well, at least in the northern hemisphere) and summer is the time when most expats move countries. We pack our entire households, say good-byes, organize our arrival the best we can, and spend hours, if not days, wondering if we are forgetting something. And since the vast majority of accompanying spouses are still women, it is the expat women that weather the brunt of each move.
And, boy, do we step up to the plate. If a superwoman cape were given out to each expat woman at every move, all of us would have by now accumulated a closet-full of those capes. Yet how useful are they, those capes? And how much do we actually lose by choosing to become super-women during each and every move?
Judging by my own experiences, we lose a lot of sleep. And a lot of smiles. And quite a few laughs. We lose connections – connection with ourselves and connection with those at whom we snap. We lose patience… a lot more often then usually. And we lose both a peace of mind – and piece of our mind.
So in service to ourselves and to those around us, I’d like to offer a few suggestions:
Quit thinking yourself a superwoman. Yes, it is nice to know that you are smart enough and strong enough and resourceful enough to move your family across the world without a glitch. But you don’t have to do it alone. Delegate. Get others to pitch in and do their fair share.
Remember you are a mother/spouse/partner – not a saint. Don’t make it a habit to take upon other people’s responsibilities during the move. Don’t feel bad that they are working/studying/traveling/etc. You have to give yourself just as much credit as you give the others. Your time, energy and effort are very valuable.
Send your saboteur packing. Stop listening to that nonsense in your ear that you are not doing enough. Even if you are organizing a move, running a small business, taking care of homework, running a household, etc, your saboteur will tell you that it’s not enough. According to your saboteur, everyone under the sun will always do more than you. Ignore that voice and fully recognize your contribution.
Make time and space for being lazy. Yes, you heard me right – be lazy. There will certainly be times during your pack out period, when you’ll feel like you don’t want to do a thing. You’ll feel like your cup is overflowing – and has been for sometime – and there is not enough space in there to add anything else. So give yourself permission, perhaps for a couple of hours, for a day, for a few days, to do nothing at all. Read a book. Watch a movie. Re-charge. And remember, if you give your body and mind the time to re-charge, you’ll feel the energy come back soon enough.
Stop blaming yourself and others. Be easy on yourself and those around you. Relocating is a difficult undertaking. You can be assured that your move won’t happen with the precision of a Swiss train, so let go of the expectation that everything and everyone will be perfect. Allow for some screw-ups along the way and laugh at them. That’s a lot more fun than assigning blame.
What other thinking would you suggest we do away with when we move?
Need some extra support during the difficult transition time? Remember that the FREE Expat Support Day is on the last Friday of each month! Get some inspiration through a free 15 minute laser coaching session — reserve your 15 minutes here.