I had an awakening today. Thanks to my friend Liz and our amazing conversation I came to embrace something that I habitually ignored. Something that’s a huge part of who I am, something that nourishes me, and something that we all don’t get enough of in the world around us (and maybe that’s why we tend to ignore it).
This something is my feminine energy. You see, I’ve been functioning purely out of the masculine energy – paying attention and homage to doing as much as I can do to succeed, to achieve, to produce, to make, to deliver. I’ve been stuck in this for so long that often I’d find myself literally gasping for breath and dying inside – all the while not realizing why. The guilt around not doing enough, not being successful enough, not spending enough time with the family, not spending enough time on the business, not reading enough, not writing enough… not being enough has had me consistently running for more. “Still doesn’t seem enough,” I’d think often, “I have got to come up with something else that’ll work even better.” And on and on it continued – the perpetual treadmill that never got me anywhere.
I suspect that I’ve learned running the treadmill while growing up. I’ve learned that you are worthy only if you are beautiful enough, rich enough, and successful enough. And all those things were and are always defined by the world around us – the world that runs on achievement and masculine energy. And so we, women – who have been brought here to nurture, to create, to give birth – have been swept up in the world’s obsession of making, doing, and achieving at all costs.
We drive ourselves very hard. And we are very hard on ourselves. The feelings of guilt follow us everywhere and the feelings of “I am not worthy if I don’t…” are just as prevalent. And we forget – oh, yes, we forget – that first and foremost we are worthy and beautiful in how we are and in how we are being. We are perfect just the way we are.
When I stopped today and realized that without wanting I’ve always been defaulting to the habitual masculine energy of constant production and achievement, I also realized that I have forgotten how to play. I don’t let myself play. My inner child, that carries with her that feminine energy I so desperately need, isn’t allowed out. I live on the “gasoline” made out of masculine, whereas I want to live on the “light” that comes from the feminine.
A couple of years ago I did an exercise where I came up with my life purpose statement. You want to know what it is? Don’t laugh too hard, but please smile: “I am Tinker bell that inspires you to do your magic.” Corny? Maybe. But that’s the energy that speaks to me and that’s the energy that I want to bring more of into the world. That’s my feminine energy.
And now I’d like to speak to the expatriate women who constantly come up against the kind of masculine energy I wrote about. Just like you I am an expat and I know all too well the question of “oh, my God, who am I now?” that we ponder when we follow our partners and quit our careers. I know the feelings of guilt over spending too much time without “working”, I know the guilt about allowing ourselves the “me-time”, I know the guilt about spending someone else’s money when before you made your own. The guilt that usually comes together with “I am not worthy” sentiment – I am not worthy of that massage because I didn’t make money to pay for it; I am not worthy of free time because I should spend it with my kids; I am not worthy of respect from my peers back home because I am not doing anything productive; etc, etc, etc. “Being worthy” is usually defined by the masculine energy in us.
Now, I am not saying that we don’t want or don’t need the masculine energy. No. We need both. But we need a good balance of both. And we desperately need our feminine energy and our inner child – we need to let them out and let them be with us and guide us.
So I am going to make a commitment to be with Tinker Bell every moment of each day. I know it’s going to be difficult and at times I will default. But that’s the journey.
And if you want to join me on this journey, please do! I want for every expat woman out there to tune into what I tuned into today and to stay there.
What’s the source of your feminine energy? How have you been tapping into it?
How committed are you to tuning into your feminine energy more and more every day?
Check out our Expat Club: 10 Weeks of Wisdom Program. It has been specifically designed around expatriate issues and concerns and it’ll help you feel supported, encouraged, inspired — and help you tap into that beautiful feminine energy you’ve been missing. Register for it here.
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