Understanding and being understood is the base for creating connections. It applies both in situations within your own culture and when you find yourself living and working in a different culture(s). The latter can often be a trickier undertaking.
Let’s start with being understood. NLP teaches us that “I don’t know what I said until I know what you heard.” What it means is that we all listen through different channels and pay attention to different things within what’s being said. Some may listen with attention directed at people in a story, others with attention to events, yet others with attention to surroundings, so on and so forth. Ever played a game of telephone when you were a child? Do you remember how a story changes completely when passed from ear to ear? That’s because we recount what we hear and we all hear different things. This fact becomes even more acute in different cultures. So, when you are communicating across cultures make sure your message is understood the way you intended it to be – and not the way you assumed it to be. Failure to do so may result in many misunderstandings and sometimes even in ruined relationships.
Now what about our skill of understanding? Provided we know the language and its nuances (a big if), how do we make sure we understand what’s being said – and what’s being unsaid? Here I’d like to focus especially on what’s been unsaid.
Almost every time a person speaks – if you listen closely – you can hear the dream(s) that person holds for him/herself. The dream(s) that express their hopes, wishes, and aspirations – the dreams that give meaning to their lives. Sometimes they themselves cannot hear those dreams, but your job is to be able to hear them. Because if you do, you connect with them on a much deeper level, you learn what’s important to them, and that makes you capable of knowing how you can structure your relationship to help them achieve their dreams.
What are your thoughts on understanding and being understood? And do you have any other U’s to contribute?
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