Waking up an artist in you — expat lifestyle opportunity… and a learning opportunity

One of the common advices an accompanying expat spouse receives in response to her/his concern about losing a career/job is this: “Enjoy your hobbies while you have this great chance.  Look at what you love to do and do it.”  It’s a great suggestion and many newly-unemployed expats have definitely found a peace of mind in taking up pottery, painting, writing, or stamp collection.  Finally all of those things they’ve been meaning to do their entire lives were at their fingertips and they had time and resources to do them!

Then a few months later a few of us “impact-oriented” people (me included!) started to wonder.  So here I am painting away (or writing or creating pottery or sewing) and isn’t this the time when I am supposed to be getting really good at this — my new craft, professionally-speaking?  I mean I’ve always been successful at my work, I’ve advanced and made more money in my career almost every year so isn’t this the time to start booking galleries or creating my fall fashion line?  And if not, then why am I doing this?  Why am I spending all this time and resources on doing something that’ll never create any impact in the outside world and will never make me money?

This is when the old familiar voice of doubt starts getting louder.  Maybe this new painting I am making is going to be really bad.  Should I change this color or should I add this color or should I… just quit the whole thing and do what I am good at — find work and immediately begin putting in 60-hrs weeks to catch up on what I’ve missed?  The hobby I’ve taken suddenly takes the form of some race I am supposed to win and every day I am more and more afraid to screw up the canvas.

Has anything like that happen to you?  It certainly has happened to me — and it continues to happen once in awhile.

What do I do?

I go back to a great metaphor my coach and I created.

I see myself as a child playing in a sandbox, building a castle.  The castle isn’t coming out the way I’ve wanted and so I level it to the ground.  “It’s just sand,” I hear my child say and begin to build the castle again. Playing is the main point here.

Allowing yourself to play is the biggest gift and the biggest learning — and that learning comes from our inner children that we’ve forgotten with all our career and impact aspirations.  So how about making play the central part of whatever we are doing and remembering that it’s just sand?

Your thoughts?

NEW at the Global Coach Center: an online course on Culture Mastery — offering how to be effective in any culture through the 4C’s ™ process of culture-emotion intelligence.

Copyright © 2011 by Global Coach Center.  If you’d like to reprint this, please do so but make sure you credit us (with a live link)!

Out of the mouths of TCKs (third culture kids)

We all know that our children are wise but how often do we choose to listen to their wisdom?  Sure, we insist that they listen to us because as adults we… well, we know what’s best, right?  But what about listening to them?  How often do we give them the chance to share their wisdom and be heard?

The other day I suggested that my 11-year old daughter start a blog.  She likes to write, she likes to share her opinion on matters, she likes to be heard, and she likes to help people with their problems (don’t they all like that?).

“Blog?” She said. “What will I write about?”

“Well,” I responded, “you are pretty special.  You’ve been to a lot of places, you are a third-culture kid, and you can share your experiences with others – TCKs or just kids who may have to move and deal with adjustment.”

“Ok,” she said, still unsure. “But what can I tell them?”

“I don’t know,” I said.  “Why don’t you just write and see what comes up.”

And so she did.  She wrote her first (and then later, her second) post without putting too much thought into it (or agonizing over it), but in the end coming out with some amazing pearls of wisdom (read it at TCKids: For Kids by a Kid)

What have you learned from your kids when moving around the world?

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Copyright © 2011 by Global Coach Center.  If you’d like to reprint this, please do so but make sure you credit us (with a live link)!

Third Culture Kids — what’s in the “programming”?

I recently finished reading a fascinating book by Dr. Bruce Lipton — Biology of Belief. Among many very interesting things, Dr Lipton touches upon the difference between sub-conscious and conscious minds.  He goes on to say that during our adult lives in 95% of the time we operate according to the programmed habits and beliefs that are stored in our subconscious mind.  And that programming of the subconscious occurs mostly between the ages of zero and 6.

That got me thinking about my own parenting, the messages that my daughter had downloaded into her subconscious in the first six years of her life – and how being a third culture kid affected those messages.  I realized that as we raise our kids in cultures that are foreign to us, we unknowingly pass on – without thinking – all the negative messages that come up in us in response to stress of adjustment, relocation, and simply being a stranger in a strange land.

If you think back to times when you moved with your kids at the time when they were young, what messages may have escaped your lips?  What behavior may you have exhibited in moments of stress that perhaps became recorded in your children’s subconscious?  What cultural misunderstandings may have influenced your reactions to things?  And can you now see those beliefs coming up in your children’s lives?

According to Dr. Lipton (and to many others), re-wiring the downloaded programs in our sub-conscious takes a lot more than affirmations and positive thinking.  Since our subconscious mind is our habitual mind, the only way to change the program is to engage in a completely different habit time and time again.  That’s not an easy preposition, but it can be done.  The best strategy, of course, is not to create those beliefs to begin with.

Your thoughts?

People who read this post also enjoyed:

Cross-cultural misunderstandings — got one?

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Copyright © 2011 by Global Coach Center.  If you’d like to reprint this, please do so but make sure you credit us (with a live link)!

Expatriates – surviving or thriving? Depends on how you look at it…

Recently a few articles and books caught my eye.  All of them were targeted at expats and all of them used the word survive in some fashion.  There was either a title “How to survive as an expat” (Disclaimer: not the exact words); or an e-book on “5 Ways to Survive your move abroad (again, not exact words); or an article on “Survival tips on…”, etc, etc, etc.  All this written material  was intended to help expatriates and was offering help from the perspective of survival and having to survive.

Why do I bring this up?  If we look at the definition of the word survive, this is what we get:

• To remain alive or in existence.
• To carry on despite hardships or trauma; persevere.
• To remain functional or usable.

How is that for a perspective?  How inspiring does it sound to you if you are an expatriate (or preparing to become one)?

My point here is that perspectives from which we approach our lives matter a great deal.  Perspectives can be empowering and inspirational – the ones that make us look at the world thought the glasses of possibility.  Perspectives can also be cautious and fearful — the kind that force us to look at the world through the glasses of prevention.

Looking at our expat experience from the point of view of having to survive is nowhere as fun and calling as looking at it from the point of view of thriving.  What do you think?

And how do you look at your expatriate journey?

People who enjoyed this also read:

A different take on expatriate motivation

7 Habits of a Happy Expat

Culture Shock revisited or is it all about going through the stages?

Copyright © 2011 by Global Coach Center.  If you’d like to reprint this, please do so but make sure you credit us (with a live link)!

A to Z of Successful Expatriation™: L is for LISTENING and LANGUAGE

Ernest Hemingway once said: “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”  And unfortunately he was (and he is still) right – most people don’t listen.  They hear but they don’t really listen.  Usually this is what happens when someone is telling us a story: we engage in our own internal listening.  We either remember that something similar has happened to us and we begin constructing an answer in our heads about our own story; or we find ourselves bored and thinking of something else; or we remember about something we need to do and begin to worry about it; or… etc etc etc.  We are never really 100% there – focused on the words and the energy of what’s being spoken.

Listening fully is essential to understanding and establishing connections with people.  And understanding and establishing connections with people are essential to creating a successful and fun experience as an expatriate.  Next time you are engaged in a conversation, try this exercise: put your entire attention at another person and every time you notice your thoughts going elsewhere, bring them back.  What do you hear?  What do you observe?  And what do you hear between the lines?

Listening fully also means listening to what’s not being said in words.  It’s listening to what’s important to that person, to what makes them tick, to what upsets them.  If you make an effort and really listen to someone next time, you’ll be surprised to find out how much you can actually learn about that person.

Knowing the language goes hand in hand with knowing how to listen. Each language brings with it a certain way of interacting – and, again, as you listen, you’ll be learning these ways and, in addition to connecting with a person, you’ll also be connecting with their language.

What are your thoughts on this?

For all the letters in the A to Z of Successful Expatriation™ click here.

And remember to check out our on-line courses on Culture Shock, Expat Know-How and on Cross-Cultural Training at the Global Coach Center Academy!

Copyright © 2010 by Global Coach Center.  If you’d like to reprint this, please do so but make sure you credit us (with a live link)!

Expat reality… deconstructed in 3 steps

If we think of some of the “realities” we encounter daily as expatriates, we can probably come up with hundreds, if not thousands.  There is the reality of not understanding a word spoken around you; there is the reality of not having the same foods you are used to; there is the reality of finding a job or a career after a move; there is the reality of maintaining a relationship with your family and friends while making new friendships… on and on it goes.

I bring this up because in one of the recent discussions on a coaching board, I read something that got me thinking about our perceptions of reality and how it affects our expat experiences.  One of the coaches suggested that instead of looking at what we think *is* — and define our reality – we may want to look at our relationship with that reality.

Looking at the relationship is a great tool.  In fact, I have used that same approach – the relationship approach – in my Culture Shock management program.  But how do we look at our relationship with reality and what will that do for us?

Let’s take an example.  For instance, take the reality of moving half-way around the world and finding yourself without a job or a career.  The reality here is that you don’t have a job anymore and your career is at a standstill.  Now what?  How can you help yourself?

(1) Look at your relationship with this reality.  If that reality were a human being, how would you describe your relationship with it?  Hostile?  Frustrating?  Depressing? A struggle?

(2) Now that you have defined your relationship with your reality, think of how that relationship is affecting your ability to change that reality (if you want to change it, of course)?  Is it serving you?  Is it helping you move forward?  Or does it get you stuck and uninspired?

(3) What would you do with that relationship if it were with another human being?  How would you change it?  How can you change your relationship with reality?  How can you change it so that it serves to empower you?

What do you think?

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Who owns the truth?

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Copyright © 2010 by Global Coach Center.
If you’d like to reprint this, please do so but make sure you credit us!

Who owns the truth?

I read an interesting bit in the recent issue of National Geographic Kids that I found in the pile of my daughter’s school papers.  Their section “Bet you didn’t know” usually has interesting factoids for the kids to ponder over.  This particular one read the following: “you see color differently than the person next to you”.

So the red color that I see isn’t the same red that you see or that the person next to you sees.  Our “reds” are different from each other — and even if that difference is very slight — they are still different.  Which is another evidence of the fact that reality is not really a given but rather an interpretation of what we see it as and of how we process it.

The physics and the science behind it are completely beyond me so I won’t go into that.  What makes this interesting for me is what happens when you replace the word “color” with the word “truth”.  “You see truth differently than the person next to you” — which is another way of saying “your truth is different than mine”.

I think this is very important to remember when we go out into the world and, especially, when we move to other countries and live within other cultures.  Our truth can be very different from the “truth” of your new neighbor — but it doesn’t mean that their “truth” isn’t true.  It’s just a different truth, a different way of processing and interpreting reality around them.  Understanding that we don’t own the only “truth” and that there are many “truths” out there can prevent many conflicts and miscommunications.

I am not saying that you should change the vision of your “truth”.  But accepting that your “truth” is just one of many may actually enrich it.  Just like knowing that “red” comes in different shades will make your view of the world rich with colors, knowing and seeing other people’s “truths” will make your life rich with experiences.

Your thoughts?  What has been your experience with the different “truths” out there?

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For those who are interested to learn more about Russia and how you can make your time there successful and fun, I am offering a FREE TELECLASS: Your Experience in Russia — Success Tips.  For more information please click here.

Copyright © 2010 by Global Coach Center.
If you’d like to reprint this, please do so but make sure you credit us!

I live here? I live here. I live here!!!

Those of you who follow my blog know that a few months back my family and I left Russia (St Petersburg) after spending four years there.  We had a wonderful time, enjoyed (almost) every moment of it, learned quite a bit, and saw many interesting things.  Leaving was tough — as it is each time when our post comes to an end and we have to relocate.

This time we moved to South Florida — Miami to be exact.  And to this day — it’s been over six months now — I walk around my neighborhood still asking myself: I live here? And then saying: Yes, I do. And then almost screaming: I live here!!!

Why you’d wonder?  Was Russia that bad?  Or is Florida that wonderful?

None of the above, really.  But when I go outside and when I realize that this year my winter consists of sunny skies, temperatures in the 20 C (70 F), slight breeze, palm trees and never having the feeling of being frozen to the seat of your car — I just rejoice.  I feel extremely grateful to be able to live in this climate, to be able to drink coffee and eat dinner outside every day, to know that I’ll wake up to sunshine almost every day, and to enjoy walking the dog.

It’s true that Miami doesn’t have a lot of things that Russia has and I miss those things every day.  But instead of concentrating on what’s lacking — I choose to focus my attention on what I have and feel gratitude for it every single day.

So what about you?  What are you grateful to have and experience in the place you are living in now?  What makes you want to say: “I live here? I live here. I live here!!!”?

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For those who are interested to learn more about Russia and how you can make your time there successful and fun, I am offering a FREE TELECLASS: Your Experience in Russia — Success Tips.  For more information please click here.

Copyright © 2010 by Global Coach Center.
If you’d like to reprint this, please do so but make sure you credit us!

Your identity in expatriation: will it stay or will it go?

Some of you may remember this quote from the movie Fight Club (1999): “You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. … “  The question then becomes: who are you?

Identity and its possible loss during expatriation is one of the most recurring issues expatriates bring up in coaching sessions.  And for everyone identity signifies something different: for some it’s the loss of a career they’ve experienced by moving with their spouse half way around the world; for others it’s the loss of financial independence due to a move; for yet others it’s the loss of belonging to a group of people they feel something in common with; and for others it’s the loss of their purpose/place/way/security… the list can go on and on.  So, what makes us who we are and how can we preserve that when in transition and surrounded by an environment that’s seemingly taking away our identity?

Answering the question of who we are will take a lot more than just one blog and so I am going to concentrate on the second part of the question above — how do we keep our identity and how do we feel good about ourselves wherever we may end up?  I think the key here is our relationship with ourselves.  All too often moves and transitions produce feelings of doubt in our own abilities; feelings of guilt, feelings of low self-esteem; and feelings of “not being good enough, smart enough, etc.”  No matter what we call these feelings, they are all about the same thing — we stop liking and set out to criticize ourselves.  What kind of relationship is that?  How much do we damage this most important relationship in our lives — the relationship of us with us?

And what good comes of it?

Certainly not much.  Instead, these regular criticisms and nagging create the recurrent feelings of “I am losing myself”, “I am no longer who I was before”, “my identity is slipping away” and so on and so forth.  The self-critical mode takes over and it’s no wonder that we feel that our identity is no more.

Ever felt that way?  What do you think?

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Copyright © 2010 by Global Coach Center.
If you’d like to reprint this, please do so but make sure you credit us!

Culture Shock Revisited or Is It Really All About Going Through the Stages

Whenever I give a presentation on Culture Shock, I try not to speak a lot at the participants.  Instead I allow them to share and, as we discuss what Culture Shock means to them, we discover how different each Culture Shock experience is for everyone.

However, if you read the research available out there on Culture Shock, you’ll discover, that most of it presents the phenomenon of Culture Shock as something that consists of five (5) stages.  And so when people look at this definition, they immediately begin to try to figure out what “stage” they are at and what awaits them in the future.  And while this process may offer some comfort and may show you that you are not alone, it’s not ideal.  Because not everyone goes through all the stages, not everyone goes in order the stages are presented, and not everyone can identify with these stages.

So instead of pigeonholing people into the stages and figuring out where each person is and how we can help him/her there, I take a different approach.  I encourage participants in my presentations to look at our experiences in another culture not through the lens of “stages” but rather through the lens of “perspectives”.

When we go through life, we find ourselves constantly changing perspectives.  In any one-day we can go through “frustrated”, “elated”, “sad”, “creative” and many other perspectives.  These perspectives color the way we look at the world around us and they also either empower or dis-empower us.

The same with Culture Shock.  When we move to a foreign place, we may find ourselves in a perspective of “curiosity” or perspective of “hate” or perspective of “longing for home”.  Any one of those can be a section of your Culture Shock journey, almost like those stages are.  Except that there is one thing you can do with perspectives that you cannot do with stages.  You can change perspectives at will.

That’s right.  If you are stuck in a perspective that’s not working for you, you are free to change it and choose another one — one that would be more empowering.  How?  There is a great exercise for that, but it would take too much space to describe it here.  You can read about it, though, in my Culture Shock book or you can join us for one of the Culture Shock Webinars and learn there.

So, what perspective are you in?  And what perspective would you like to be in?

UPDATE: Following this post I received many queries about my method of managing Culture Shock.  That’s why I decided to offer my innovative THREE STEPS TO MANAGING CULTURE SHOCK AND MAKING TRANSITIONS EASIER presentation over the web.

It was a great success! Read the testimonials here. If you didn’t have the chance to participate in the webinar, but would like to learn this great system of managing Culture Shock, you can either download an E-book or an on-line course here.

People who enjoyed this post also read:

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Copyright © 2009 by Global Coach Center.
If you’d like to reprint this, please do so but make sure you credit us!